anxiety spreads like the plague

I teach the kids I work with all about anxiety and how it affects others as well as ourselves. It makes us sick physically and mentally and is often hard to recognize right away. In the "heat of the moment" so to speak.

I find myself struggling with practicing what I preach the last couple days. I have spent 2 months with sleepless nights, over active and over tired baby with reflux, teething and learning to walk, crawl, pull herself up, talking etc. etc. This sounds like a horrific 2 months and perhaps that I am going to enjoy going back to work to get a break. Desite all the noise, crying and night waking. I have enjoyed being a stay at home mom. I know where my kid is all the time and what she's doing. I see when she does something new because I am there all the time. I think it has become a double edged sword I wasn't expecting. I have today and tomorrow left with my little peanut and then it's back to work for me.

I find my anxiety level amping up this week. Sadi obviously feels it and I see my husband reflect it so often. (He's very good at mirroring my anxiety and frustration without even being aware of it.) I find myself in a position where I need to calm down for the rest of the family to calm down, but in the midst of it all there are days where I want to throw myself on the floor and start throwing a tantrum about how I don't want to be the strong one anymore. I don't want to keep things together anymore. I don't want to be responsible for my own actions anymore.These are the days I wish my husband could read my mind and just come in and rub my back or take the kid for just a few minutes for me to catch my breath.

Me wishing that of my husband only justifies what I tell the kids at work every day. We can't control what others do and feel. Only what WE do. It's the only thing we can control 100% of the time. I forget this and expect a miracle of my husband or an always perfect baby. I assume they are going to bend when I am having a hard day. In some aspects they do and I love them for it, but to expect it is a childish way of seeing the world and as I write this I realize that I have to continue to relearn all my lessons. That adjusting what I do will cause them to adjust how they are reacting to me.

To quote Anthony Robbins: "If you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always gotten"

If you continue to yell at your dog for peeing on the floor and it never seems to learn... you'll continue to get pee on your floor when you yell at your dog. I believe the same thing goes for being a parent. If you always do what you've always done and you aren't getting the response you want. Try something new. If you're anxious and you always react with frustration to your spouse and your kid(s) you'll always get resentment and hurt feelings in return. It won't change if you continue to react the same way. Try something new today. Relax, grab your loved ones and kiss them or hug them. Change it up. You'll like the positive responses you get when you put positivity out there for others.

I believe the same goes for getting babies to sleep. If we respond with negativity, neglect and frustration we will always get a negative response. Perhaps the baby will stop resonding for a while, but in the long run we will eventually see negative reactions to those negative choices we made. If we chose to resond quickly and with love and understanding to our children they will, in turn, grow up as quick, loving and understanding children and adults. It is only logical. So, love your baby extra every day. They don't see the world as we do and we need to put our own issues aside to help them grow in their own way.

That's all for today. I'm going to try to take a nap and sleep off some of this nasty anxiety. <3 Take care of those babies.