breast feeding.....the beginning

Have you every started out with an idea of how things were going to go and  then when it happened it totally blew your mind? Like something more powerful, and unseen, was determined to make things go in a totally different direction?
That's how my breastfeeding journey started. The first day I met my little bundle of joy I was tired. Exhausted. empty of all rational thought. Then I was handed this little creature that came out of me and had made the decision to feed it with another part of my body. I knew the general idea and had her latched with no problems on my LEFT breast (keep that in mind later in my story *wink*). It was a, hard to remember, moment I will never forget.
She was born at 4:44am after I had been in labor/being induced since 6:30 the morning before. My family gave me some time to myself to get washed up and settle in. I got a little nap and woke up because my little girl was crying. I assumed it was to eat or be snuggled, both of which are things she still loves at 4 months. I tried to nurse her on the RIGHT side. This nipple is inverted. Not sure if you wanted  that information, but you got it and once you've learned something it is hard to unlearn it. I tried everything to get this little, helpless girl to latch on and she just cried and fussed and became agitated. The more frustrated she got the more I did. I gave up and fed her on the other side. The LEFT side. She nursed and was happy, but I was left feeling a little bewildered about it.
Everyone showed up and was very happy to meet the new baby. Meanwhile I was still feeling a little inadequate.  I met with the lactation consultant. She gave me some advice on using a nipple shield. Neat little things that sucked the nipple right out and made nursing a breeze for little Sader-tot. Unfortunately she did not tell me that the rubber/plastic silicone would make my nipple rub and bleed and crack when it was forced to moosh into that shield. After she had success with the shield in the hospital it worked when we got home.
The only problem with taking it home...I couldn't get her to nurse after being home for 2 days. In the middle of the night the poor dear was screaming because she wanted to eat and I couldn't get her to latch. She hadn't eaten in hours and was screaming for the duration. I took her to the ER. They helped me calm down as well as her. She eventually latched there and we went home. It was an expensive lesson, but we got through it.
The cracking and pain continued. Some days were better than others. It became easier and easier each day. I knew that I had to keep at it and continue to increase my pumping and nursing if I was every going to feed this girl when I went back to work.
It eventually got better. My cracks and sores healed. I went back to work and now I manage to pump enough at work for peanut to eat and to save about 5-6 oz.
I hope that my journey through this may help others as well as continue until my little girl decides she is good and ready to ween herself. So far so good!

Mental mama signing in

I figured there would be some sort of organization to the madness of being a full time working mother. I had seen others do it, and figured "why not me?" I had worked hard to get to this job and this place in my life without a lack of bumps along the way. I figured having a baby would just be another addition to my already chaotic life.

People warn you that you won't sleep a full night for the first year, at least. That you will be worn down and tired all the time, and your work may suffer. You are told your life will change and your old habits may die with that nice soft, flat tummy you once shown so proudly. I can go on and on about what people have warned me about and what they advise as "the right way to raise a child".

In my experience with working with mentally ill adults and children there is a constant I notice. That constant thing is a lack of a consistent, predictable, supportive familly. Whatever your definition of family may be; weather broken, two moms or two dads, one parent or grandparents. Maybe foster parents.

Keeping a family together and keeping kids on the right path takes alot of work and responsibility. I cannot go into detail about what I see at work or anything about my students, but I can post my struggles with being a "mental mama" and trying to raise a a child of my own.

I hope you enjoy!